Goooood afternoon Sir, I'm calling from your bank...

So I got this email on my Hotmail today. Testament to the power of Bill Gates' mail service, it was indeed confined to the dark recesses of my 'Junk Mail' folder. Well done Bill.

However, the question is, am I dead? This gentleman certainly seems to think so:


FROM THE DESK OF MR JOHN TONY
UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA PLC
INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND AGENCY
INTERNATIONAL OPERATION DEPT
VICTORIA ISLAND
LAGOS-NIGERIA .

RE-OUTSTANDING PAYMENT

Good day , this is to inform you of your Long overdue Payment outstanding our Banking records.
I saw your name in the Central Computer among list of unpaid inheritance claims individuals and have to update your informations through this email contact for immediate confirmation .
Your name appeared among the beneficiaries who will receive a part-payment of Nineteen Million
Euros (19,000,000.00 Euros and it has been approved already for payment months ago.
However we received an email from one Mr.Morris Thompson who told us that he is your next of kin and that you are died in a car accident last two months back .

He has also submitted his account informations to the office department for transfer of the fund to him as your inheritor. We are now verifying by contacting your email address as we have in our Bank records before we can make the transfer into his account and for us to conclude confirmation if you are dead or not.

Please , confirm response immediately before our action release of the outstanding paymentagainst your name listed out . Upon this, i request you send your full personal information as soon as possible to enable this department finalize the transfer of the fund release to your nominated foreign Bank Account.

This department needs the following informations from you urgently.

1.Full Names

2.Telephone Or Fax Number

3.Contact Address

4.Age

5.Occupation

6.Sex

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This E-Mail is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged,confidential and exempt from disclosure under
applicable law.

Once again, I apologize to you on behalf of International Monetary fund Agency towards this contact and proper confirmation required urgently from you if alive. Make sure you reply to my alternative mail address (john_tony@post.ro)

Thanks,
Yours Sincerly
MR JOHN TONY
PHONE NUMBER: +234-8026-542-072
john_tony@post.ro


If you wish to take this fraudulent piece of putrid filth's email address and virtually abuse him then be my guest.

Crunchy Credit

So, another day, another collection of financial woes in the newspapers. This is all getting rather out of hand isn't it?

I am starting to formulate a theory about this. Clearly the credit crunch (an expression I despise. Partly because it is similar to Captain Crunch, which is really nice American cereal you cannot get in England), recession, whatever you want to call it, is real and very much upon us. However, have you actually been affected greatly? Chances are you know someone who has fallen on hard times, but most people just seem to be getting by, cutting back and hoping for the best.

Reading the papers gives a slightly different impression. It feels like the apocalypse is upon us everytime I open those deceptive tomes, and we are all in a mire that we will never escape.

It is fast becoming clear to me that all these gigantic corporations are using this crisis as an unmissable opportunity to become more and more evil. Northern Rock is a fine example. Mere months after collapsing and requiring the Bank of England to bail them out, they are hitting targets and handing out bonuses like its going out of fashion. So, wait a second, your company is ruined, and you get lucky by having a poor mug like Gordon Brown save your worthless hide, then start paying your already large pocketed staff cheeky extras?

That, to me, is pissing in the face of the British public, particularly those who were so damaged by Northern Rock's collapse. The Government have still done nothing to punish these worthless, perma-tanned, grey haired, hooker beating, overweight bastards who put us all in this perilous situation in the first place. And the scariest fact is that they don't seem to be losing. They still swan about in Bentley's and live in Park Lane, only nowadays they can't quite afford the gold encrusted khazi, they'll have to plump for a porcelain one like all us other plebs.

Perhaps the greatest example I have seen of companies generally using the crisis to fuck people over is Warner Brothers. Don't get me wrong, I loved the Dark Knight as much as the next person, but they just let 1000 (yes that's 1000, 3 zero's) people go from their LA offices, due to them 'streamlining in order to maintain steady growth year on year'. This, translated from business bollocks, means that they have given their remaining workforce a massive increase in workload, with the excuse that 'they are lucky to have jobs in this current climate', while freeing up 1000 paycheques which will help the CEO get the 19 bedroom mansion, instead of the paltry 15. However, they get off scot-free and fear no repercussions. And why? Because its fine to sack people now, just blame it on the credit crunch. I mean fuck, it's not as if they're broke. According to IMDB, the Dark Knight is the 4th highest grossing film ever. That's EVER people. So they aren't short of cash are they?

I suppose we should be used to companies lying to us by now, but it still stings. Who knows if my theory is correct, but it does seem to become more and more apparent as the ones higher up start to panic about losing their upmarket lifestyles. Good luck to all of those in full time employment. Anyway, apologies if you sat through that massive rant, time to lighten the mood. Look at this dog!

My First Blog/End Of An Era

So, here I am. Joining the myriad of celebrities, politicians, friends and general timewasters in entering the heady world of blogging.

Its always something I've looked upon with disdain for some reason. Purely out of wondering why people would care about every detail of my life. However, I finally realised blogging is more meant to be a log of memories and opinions, mixed with a sprinkling of boredom on my part, than a document of my banal existence for the world to see.

Well, it is that too, but you don't have to read it.

Anyway, enough of my meaningless musings, on with the memories!

For my first blog, what better way to kick off than with the end of an era. As many fellow Londoners will know, Transport for London are currently starting work on the new Crossrail railway system. As a resident of West London I, for one, am all for it. If I still work in Canary Wharf by 2012 (perish the thought!), it will really help my commute.

However, I'm not best pleased, and I'm sure I'm not alone here, with the fact that in order for Tottenham Court Road station to accomodate all those extra people they are having to build a new station at Centrepoint. This necessitates the demolition of the vast majority of buildings in that area, as well as Soho Square.

Unfortunately, included in these demolitions are music venues Metro, Sin Club, LA2/Mean Fiddler and the legendary Astoria. I'm indifferent about the first 3 going, but I did adore the Astoria. I have many good memories of shows there, perhaps best of all when myself and good friend Toulouse went to see DOWN, and smoked our way through half of Morocco up on the balcony.

As I mentioned previously, also included in the demolition is the LA2, or Mean Fiddler. A venue I've always disliked, due to its iffy sound and ridiculous raised dancefloor, but that I still have many a good memory of. I've seen some good shows there (Stampin' Ground, Every Time I Die, Between The Buried And Me etc) and 'Rock @ Mean Fiddler' was the first rock club I ever came to when I moved to London a few years back, and I met many of my current friends there. Paul, Stix and Riyad were officers and gentlemen with the tunes/guest list, and I even managed to DJ there myself once or twice! Anyway, I digress.

It ended up that my good pals Your City Is Forgotten were booked in to play the last ever Demolition club (I guess you could call it Rock's replacement), which also ended up being the last ever metal show before the bulldozers roll in. I popped along with Louise (http://eskilou.wordpress.com), Dave, Max and Shaz (my wifey, Lottie, elected to stay in with her new nephew, baby Blake. In fairness, he is way more interesting than watching bands. More on him in later blogs!). Fun, games and blogspot shrinking my photos ensued!




My PPL's:



Then I left and had a wander:



Stay tuned world!