Crunchy Credit

So, another day, another collection of financial woes in the newspapers. This is all getting rather out of hand isn't it?

I am starting to formulate a theory about this. Clearly the credit crunch (an expression I despise. Partly because it is similar to Captain Crunch, which is really nice American cereal you cannot get in England), recession, whatever you want to call it, is real and very much upon us. However, have you actually been affected greatly? Chances are you know someone who has fallen on hard times, but most people just seem to be getting by, cutting back and hoping for the best.

Reading the papers gives a slightly different impression. It feels like the apocalypse is upon us everytime I open those deceptive tomes, and we are all in a mire that we will never escape.

It is fast becoming clear to me that all these gigantic corporations are using this crisis as an unmissable opportunity to become more and more evil. Northern Rock is a fine example. Mere months after collapsing and requiring the Bank of England to bail them out, they are hitting targets and handing out bonuses like its going out of fashion. So, wait a second, your company is ruined, and you get lucky by having a poor mug like Gordon Brown save your worthless hide, then start paying your already large pocketed staff cheeky extras?

That, to me, is pissing in the face of the British public, particularly those who were so damaged by Northern Rock's collapse. The Government have still done nothing to punish these worthless, perma-tanned, grey haired, hooker beating, overweight bastards who put us all in this perilous situation in the first place. And the scariest fact is that they don't seem to be losing. They still swan about in Bentley's and live in Park Lane, only nowadays they can't quite afford the gold encrusted khazi, they'll have to plump for a porcelain one like all us other plebs.

Perhaps the greatest example I have seen of companies generally using the crisis to fuck people over is Warner Brothers. Don't get me wrong, I loved the Dark Knight as much as the next person, but they just let 1000 (yes that's 1000, 3 zero's) people go from their LA offices, due to them 'streamlining in order to maintain steady growth year on year'. This, translated from business bollocks, means that they have given their remaining workforce a massive increase in workload, with the excuse that 'they are lucky to have jobs in this current climate', while freeing up 1000 paycheques which will help the CEO get the 19 bedroom mansion, instead of the paltry 15. However, they get off scot-free and fear no repercussions. And why? Because its fine to sack people now, just blame it on the credit crunch. I mean fuck, it's not as if they're broke. According to IMDB, the Dark Knight is the 4th highest grossing film ever. That's EVER people. So they aren't short of cash are they?

I suppose we should be used to companies lying to us by now, but it still stings. Who knows if my theory is correct, but it does seem to become more and more apparent as the ones higher up start to panic about losing their upmarket lifestyles. Good luck to all of those in full time employment. Anyway, apologies if you sat through that massive rant, time to lighten the mood. Look at this dog!